Sir Issac newton is a rat bastard.
Why you ask? simple, momentum. tis a wonderful thing when its on your side, however when your trying desperately to gain it. it is a PAIN IN THE ASS. but~ once you have it, you will be hard pressed to stop moving farward.
and i am more then pleased to admit, i finaly have it. yes, i have gian employment! and goddamn it feels good. ive broken free of the chains of dispair, the chains that have been keeping me tied down, the cement shoes, the rut in the mud. i am FREE! now, nothing can stop me. or so id like to think :P however, this is the cruical step in my annoyingly long forging process.
Many things have happened since my last post, i have found myself most importantly, my true self. and ive found peace with myself and with that peace comes a confidence ive never felt before, i know there will be hardships ahead, yet i do not fear them as i once did, i know i will make it through them, i am no longer afraid of moving forward. i AM moving forward.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Haters Gonna Hate.
Noticed something today while going through old blog posts, I got my first batch of haters! WOOT!
I noticed it when I was going over my old blog posts, and you know what I have to say to ya? That the best you have? I mean come on, get creative here! when you seen one you've literally, seen them all. Infact, if anything the only thing these guys managed to do is add a little fuel to my fire. It just makes me work harder, knowing there's people who think and want me to fail epicly. Especially when i read there comments, you really cant GET anymore generic. but, nonetheless it did make me realize one thing.
People actually read this shit? awesome! But guess that means ill have to at least LOOK like im putting an effort into mah grammar. So with this I guess my blog gets easier to read.
And on a side note, Id like to see you say that again post basic, see were your stereotypical insults get you then ^^
I noticed it when I was going over my old blog posts, and you know what I have to say to ya? That the best you have? I mean come on, get creative here! when you seen one you've literally, seen them all. Infact, if anything the only thing these guys managed to do is add a little fuel to my fire. It just makes me work harder, knowing there's people who think and want me to fail epicly. Especially when i read there comments, you really cant GET anymore generic. but, nonetheless it did make me realize one thing.
People actually read this shit? awesome! But guess that means ill have to at least LOOK like im putting an effort into mah grammar. So with this I guess my blog gets easier to read.
And on a side note, Id like to see you say that again post basic, see were your stereotypical insults get you then ^^
your focus needs more FOCUS!
something ive been thinking about, life is full of distractions, its easy to get lost in them, to completly forget about whats inportant and to spend your life doing nothing. the key is to pick out your goal in this sea of distractions and foucs in on it, for if you dont, your bound to get lost along the way.
on the flipside, you cant forget about everything, distractions are good. and when you think about them, they may not even be distractions, but tools you need to reach your goal, and without these distractions, life isn't worth living, yes you have your end gaol, but you need to accumulate experiences along the way to, cause those experiences are what makes us human.
on the flipside, you cant forget about everything, distractions are good. and when you think about them, they may not even be distractions, but tools you need to reach your goal, and without these distractions, life isn't worth living, yes you have your end gaol, but you need to accumulate experiences along the way to, cause those experiences are what makes us human.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
lifes puzzle
well gonna borrow on a analogy used by my idol and inspiration, danny choo.
life, is a puzzle, a big, borderless never ending puzzle. when you start it, you start with nothing but a huge pile of jumbled together peices, and its up to you to sort them out, to peice them together. depending on how you grow up you may or may not have the begenings of a picture by the time your wn your own, in my case i didint, i had a few peices here n there but that was it. the past two years for me have been a rough ride as i despratly tried to link thease peices together, and ive done just that. i put the peices together and formed a general picture in my soul, and it points in one direction, japan, and now that i can see that ive committed myself to getting there.
however you have to watch out, this is LIFES puzzle, not a simple 500 peice view of a lake cabin, but a endless borderless puzzle, there is no end to it. i will be putting peices together till the day i die, and thats just the way it is. nothing can change that and nothing will. what matters is how you feel about it, is it to much and you rather quit and abandon the puzzle? or do you keep going, never giving up commited to reacing your goal.
in the end it all comes down to how you feel about it, if it proves to much and you give up, becomeing one of the masses then so be it, as long as your content thats all that matters.
persoanly i could never be content with that, im not gonna stop untill im satisfied, and that wont be for a long time. there will be many hardships, many trails. but thease are part of the process, if you were just handed your picture on a silver platter what would be the point? one of the most inportant parts about our puzzle is the process, going through the peices and trying to fit them together, and. at times, you may think you have your answer, the perfect peice that links everything together, and others, this peice you thought was perfect may not be. but if its not, if its not the peice you were looking for, if its not the peice that makes other things make more sense, you havent lost anything either. you just have to keep searching, and keep fighting. never giving up. and thats precisely what im doing, so much so that hearing people criticize me and put me down only get me going faster, pushing harder. hearing them only motivates me more.
I will. make. it.
life, is a puzzle, a big, borderless never ending puzzle. when you start it, you start with nothing but a huge pile of jumbled together peices, and its up to you to sort them out, to peice them together. depending on how you grow up you may or may not have the begenings of a picture by the time your wn your own, in my case i didint, i had a few peices here n there but that was it. the past two years for me have been a rough ride as i despratly tried to link thease peices together, and ive done just that. i put the peices together and formed a general picture in my soul, and it points in one direction, japan, and now that i can see that ive committed myself to getting there.
however you have to watch out, this is LIFES puzzle, not a simple 500 peice view of a lake cabin, but a endless borderless puzzle, there is no end to it. i will be putting peices together till the day i die, and thats just the way it is. nothing can change that and nothing will. what matters is how you feel about it, is it to much and you rather quit and abandon the puzzle? or do you keep going, never giving up commited to reacing your goal.
in the end it all comes down to how you feel about it, if it proves to much and you give up, becomeing one of the masses then so be it, as long as your content thats all that matters.
persoanly i could never be content with that, im not gonna stop untill im satisfied, and that wont be for a long time. there will be many hardships, many trails. but thease are part of the process, if you were just handed your picture on a silver platter what would be the point? one of the most inportant parts about our puzzle is the process, going through the peices and trying to fit them together, and. at times, you may think you have your answer, the perfect peice that links everything together, and others, this peice you thought was perfect may not be. but if its not, if its not the peice you were looking for, if its not the peice that makes other things make more sense, you havent lost anything either. you just have to keep searching, and keep fighting. never giving up. and thats precisely what im doing, so much so that hearing people criticize me and put me down only get me going faster, pushing harder. hearing them only motivates me more.
I will. make. it.
Monday, June 27, 2011
motivation.
motivation... for some, quite a rarity. for others, its as common as the air we breath.
i lay somewhere inbetween those two. but when i do get motivated, NOTHING. stops me. and while i had a fire lit in my soul which got me moving and let me figure out what im doing in life, and a plan to do so. the same man who lit that fire just added nuclear fuel to it. i have never felt this good in my LIFE. and i can damn well guarantee you NOTHING is going to stop me. not even god and his angels. its amazing what a few words, spoken from the right person can do.
and with this motivation, this nuclear fire, comes good things indeed ^^ just landed a job interview, my workout has just been rejuvenated. and im well on my way to my mountain ^^ feels good man.. damn good indeed. i will NOT let this feeling die!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
the climbing of a mountain called dreams.
a new analogy i thought of, that makes quite a bit of sense. following your dreams are a lot like climing a mountain. some smaller then others some larger, but no matter what mountain your climing. you need to be prepared ^^ i tend to think of the past ten months as the prep period, when you get to gether your equipment, your gear, ice picks shoes packs tents, finding your guild and booking your trip.
and im not even done preparing yet, ive only just accumulating the "funds" necessary to "buy" the "equipment" i need. and i am setting out to do that, and it breaks down into a few things.
A. deciding to join the reserve, for the funding needed for college.
B. loosing the weight, and changing thou lifestyle in preparation for basic.
C. enlisting, and going to basic.
D. making it through basic whilst keeping my core values intact.
E. enrolling in MSUM for the classes i have chosen.
F. making it through school in a reasonable time period. maximum of four years.
n this is were it gets a bit tricky. so im gonna have to break it down into a few points.
G.a work stateside in business and accumulate job experience for two years, as the minimum term for the reserve is 6 years. and college will only take four.
G.b go active, and transfer to the airforce, requesting transfer to tokyo. or another base in japan. this may seem atractive in being in japan sooner but i will not be able to accumulate critical experience.
H.a having job experience i need, start looking for work in tokyo, preferably a company that has something to do with my dreams, tho just getting there and establishing a foothold will work to. and accumulate funds and assets.
H.b moving to tokyo, or anywhere in japan and accumulate expirance necessary to be attractive to company of choice whilst establishing a foothold.
H.b-2 having gained job experience start looking for work with a company that works with my dreams. accumulating money.
I having accumulated funds needed, establish my own company, or join a company, such as Mirai inc, that serves my dreams to the letter.
final step, live the dream.
it will take a LOT of work, and the later steps are thoughts in there infancy, but this is my general plan, step by step, to climb my "Everest" in the end, i will be one of the few people in the world who can say proudly they didn't let there dream die, but followed it though to the end and achieved happiness ^^
like i said it will take a lot of work, and time but time is on my side, assuming the world doesn't end next year ^^ but when all is said and don't i can look back to days like today in pride and know i did something worth doing, and something that will be remembered even if it isn't something big ^^
and now. the man who lit this fire in my soul.
and im not even done preparing yet, ive only just accumulating the "funds" necessary to "buy" the "equipment" i need. and i am setting out to do that, and it breaks down into a few things.
A. deciding to join the reserve, for the funding needed for college.
B. loosing the weight, and changing thou lifestyle in preparation for basic.
C. enlisting, and going to basic.
D. making it through basic whilst keeping my core values intact.
E. enrolling in MSUM for the classes i have chosen.
F. making it through school in a reasonable time period. maximum of four years.
n this is were it gets a bit tricky. so im gonna have to break it down into a few points.
G.a work stateside in business and accumulate job experience for two years, as the minimum term for the reserve is 6 years. and college will only take four.
G.b go active, and transfer to the airforce, requesting transfer to tokyo. or another base in japan. this may seem atractive in being in japan sooner but i will not be able to accumulate critical experience.
H.a having job experience i need, start looking for work in tokyo, preferably a company that has something to do with my dreams, tho just getting there and establishing a foothold will work to. and accumulate funds and assets.
H.b moving to tokyo, or anywhere in japan and accumulate expirance necessary to be attractive to company of choice whilst establishing a foothold.
H.b-2 having gained job experience start looking for work with a company that works with my dreams. accumulating money.
I having accumulated funds needed, establish my own company, or join a company, such as Mirai inc, that serves my dreams to the letter.
final step, live the dream.
it will take a LOT of work, and the later steps are thoughts in there infancy, but this is my general plan, step by step, to climb my "Everest" in the end, i will be one of the few people in the world who can say proudly they didn't let there dream die, but followed it though to the end and achieved happiness ^^
like i said it will take a lot of work, and time but time is on my side, assuming the world doesn't end next year ^^ but when all is said and don't i can look back to days like today in pride and know i did something worth doing, and something that will be remembered even if it isn't something big ^^
and now. the man who lit this fire in my soul.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
the choices of the smithy.
back to the forging process here. and ive neglected to metion something rather inportant what of the smith? that master in control of everything? he controls the heat the air the hammer and the tongs.
with that said i pose a question to you, what do you do if your smith is doubtful? if he does not know what he wishes to forge? of in this case, thought he did. but is no longer sure if this particular ingot is right for what he wanted, what then? what does he do with it!?
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Making a promise to myself.
Something i have only done twice.
only twice. once when i vowed to myself i will make it to japan, hell or highwater. I WILL MAKE IT. that was nearly a year ago, and i havent once stopped working to that end. ive gotten off my ass, got my life in order, got a goal, a plan a endgame. everything. and im well on my way. hell thats what most of this blog has been about, me reforging myself. youve seen the highs the lows, all under my own power. and here i am today.
the second promise that ive made in my soul, is to follow through with this latest plan of action, joining the army, to be more spesific, the reserve. im sure a lot of you have doubts, but you know what? i dont give a damn, i know i can do this, and by god im going to. i dont care if god himself trys to stop me i will make it thought, get down in weight, make it through basic, and then through college. and i WILL NOT QUIT. i dont care what yall say. im doining it. so build a bridge and get over it.
this in no way contradicts my first goal and promise, its just a diffrent way to achive that. and one that will be better for me as a whole. so im doing it.
only twice. once when i vowed to myself i will make it to japan, hell or highwater. I WILL MAKE IT. that was nearly a year ago, and i havent once stopped working to that end. ive gotten off my ass, got my life in order, got a goal, a plan a endgame. everything. and im well on my way. hell thats what most of this blog has been about, me reforging myself. youve seen the highs the lows, all under my own power. and here i am today.
the second promise that ive made in my soul, is to follow through with this latest plan of action, joining the army, to be more spesific, the reserve. im sure a lot of you have doubts, but you know what? i dont give a damn, i know i can do this, and by god im going to. i dont care if god himself trys to stop me i will make it thought, get down in weight, make it through basic, and then through college. and i WILL NOT QUIT. i dont care what yall say. im doining it. so build a bridge and get over it.
this in no way contradicts my first goal and promise, its just a diffrent way to achive that. and one that will be better for me as a whole. so im doing it.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Do the imposisble.
Touch the Untouchable and Break the Unbreakable.
Thats exactly what Im gonna do. I dont give a damn how crazy it is, how crazy people think I am, I AM going to make it happen. I got 42 days to make it happen. To obtain eight hundred dollars and haul my ass to anime expo. go ahead, call it stupid. but even if I dont make it i will come out on top. If I dont make it in time ill still be working at least one job. and if Im within five hundred dollars of that, theres one last option, my hail mary. Im not gonna let on as people will bash me for it but I dont give a damn, you can NOT understand what this expo means to me. its worth more then my weight in gold. I WILL MAKE IT THERE. and that is that.
Thats exactly what Im gonna do. I dont give a damn how crazy it is, how crazy people think I am, I AM going to make it happen. I got 42 days to make it happen. To obtain eight hundred dollars and haul my ass to anime expo. go ahead, call it stupid. but even if I dont make it i will come out on top. If I dont make it in time ill still be working at least one job. and if Im within five hundred dollars of that, theres one last option, my hail mary. Im not gonna let on as people will bash me for it but I dont give a damn, you can NOT understand what this expo means to me. its worth more then my weight in gold. I WILL MAKE IT THERE. and that is that.
Monday, March 21, 2011
thought control.
no i am not talking mind control here, not in the sense that first pops to mind anyway.
im talking about controlling your own thoughts. so let me ask you a question, do you control your thoughts? or do they control you. ive been wrestling with my own thoughts without even knowing it, for the longest time i wasn't in control of my own thoughts.
yes i know that might not make sense but thats the way it is. in a sense i wasn't thinking for myself, my thoughts were. a paradox i know, but i was letting them feed on themselves in a endless loop. i was spiraling farther and farther down and finally. i hit rock bottom, as you may have noticed from the contents of my last post. but the thing is. i didn't break into a dozen peaces as most people do, i bounced. and now im one my way back up i said enough is enough. STOP letting people tell me what to do, good or bad. and im doing everything for myself right now. myself. noone else. and im doing good. im working out, sticking to a schedule, eating healthy all that fun stuff. and you know what? it feels damn good.
so to summarize. not broken. still have places to go and things to do. no way in hell am i quiting now. fells damn good man.
im talking about controlling your own thoughts. so let me ask you a question, do you control your thoughts? or do they control you. ive been wrestling with my own thoughts without even knowing it, for the longest time i wasn't in control of my own thoughts.
yes i know that might not make sense but thats the way it is. in a sense i wasn't thinking for myself, my thoughts were. a paradox i know, but i was letting them feed on themselves in a endless loop. i was spiraling farther and farther down and finally. i hit rock bottom, as you may have noticed from the contents of my last post. but the thing is. i didn't break into a dozen peaces as most people do, i bounced. and now im one my way back up i said enough is enough. STOP letting people tell me what to do, good or bad. and im doing everything for myself right now. myself. noone else. and im doing good. im working out, sticking to a schedule, eating healthy all that fun stuff. and you know what? it feels damn good.
so to summarize. not broken. still have places to go and things to do. no way in hell am i quiting now. fells damn good man.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
the forging process take three
so we all know about the forging process but i discoverd something else the other day that turns out was inevitable. even if the blacksmith does everything perfect and it looks like its working and even turns out near perfect there is something that can ruin everything, and make the iron ingot shatter on the first hammerblow. and thats impure ore. if your starting producted is at its very core, currupted and unstable. theres nothing a blacksmith can do to make it usefull, and therefor it is discarded. in most cases you can tell right away if the ore is to impure but in this case it was borderline, but it turns out it was. and the ingot shatterd. and with it, my hopes. my dreams. my LIFE. i. have. nothing.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
the forging process take TWO.
so. a while ago i told you about the forging process, how it would take time for a lump of iron to be molded into a fine sword. how most of the changes are happening on the inside and are VERY subtle and from the casual observer you cant even tell anything is changing.
well im proud to say that in my opinion, my lump of iron or has gone from rock, to molent iron, to red hot iron ingot. and as of now it is ready to be molded in whatever shape the smithy chooses. and im the smithy. i am happy to say that i can do this, and that i already have.
i made it past the worst of it. as my psychologist jim said i have broken free of the concrete shoes. i am moving forward. and thats all that matters.
well im proud to say that in my opinion, my lump of iron or has gone from rock, to molent iron, to red hot iron ingot. and as of now it is ready to be molded in whatever shape the smithy chooses. and im the smithy. i am happy to say that i can do this, and that i already have.
i made it past the worst of it. as my psychologist jim said i have broken free of the concrete shoes. i am moving forward. and thats all that matters.
Friday, February 18, 2011
lost souls.
good god were to start......... i have no idea how to describe my mind right now so im just gonna try.
while the dawn may be breaking now and i can see my path more clearly theres still a whole mess of problems, while things are starting to be lain out before me, ive been having a lot of what if moments. what if this is wrong? what if im fucking up bigtime? what if ic ant handle it? what if if if if.
i fucking hate that. but at the same time i can seem to do anything about it. but at the same time it helps me know what to do. its hard and scared the hell out of me cause the what ifs are still there but im gonna walk on, blazing my own path with my own two feet, i dont care if it turns out to be the biggest fuck up of the century im still going to get there myself.
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