thought control.

no i am not talking mind control here, not in the sense that first pops to mind anyway.

im talking about controlling your own thoughts. so let me ask you a question, do you control your thoughts? or do they control you. ive been wrestling with my own thoughts without even knowing it, for the longest time i wasn't in control of my own thoughts.

yes i know that might not make sense but thats the way it is. in a sense i wasn't thinking for myself, my thoughts were. a paradox i know, but i was letting them feed on themselves in a endless loop. i was spiraling farther and farther down and finally. i hit rock bottom, as you may have noticed from the contents of my last post. but the thing is. i didn't break into a dozen peaces as most people do, i bounced. and now im one my way back up i said enough is enough. STOP letting people tell me what to do, good or bad. and im doing everything for myself right now. myself. noone else. and im doing good. im working out, sticking to a schedule, eating healthy all that fun stuff. and you know what? it feels damn good.

so to summarize. not broken. still have places to go and things to do. no way in hell am i quiting now. fells damn good man.

the forging process take three

so we all know about the forging process but i discoverd something else the other day that turns out was inevitable. even if the blacksmith does everything perfect and it looks like its working and even turns out near perfect there is something that can ruin everything, and make the iron ingot shatter on the first hammerblow. and thats impure ore. if your starting producted is at its very core, currupted and unstable. theres nothing a blacksmith can do to make it usefull, and therefor it is discarded. in most cases you can tell right away if the ore is to impure but in this case it was borderline, but it turns out it was. and the ingot shatterd. and with it, my hopes. my dreams. my LIFE. i. have. nothing.